The Fire You Don’t See Burns the Deepest!
“Healing from narcissistic abuse isn’t about fixing what’s broken in you—it’s about recognizing what was never broken to begin with.” — Dr. Ramani Durvasula
We have been taught to fight what’s outside us—oppression, injustice, systemic exclusion!
But what happens when the battlefield is your own mind? When the enemy wears a smile, a title, or even a wedding ring? The image you see ain’t just a checklist—it’s a testimony of what happens when narcissistic abuse enters your life. This is not just about breakups. This is about breakdowns—emotional, spiritual, psychological.
C-PTSD, depression, anxiety, insomnia.
These aren’t just medical terms—they’re the aftershocks of being emotionally manipulated, gas lit, devalued and discarded like you never mattered. And it doesn’t just happen to women. Brothers, listen to me: you can be hurt too. Abuse is not about gender—it’s about control. And when you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, the mental illness you develop isn’t weakness—it’s survival.
Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score, said: “Trauma is not just an event—it’s the residue that lives in the body.” The mind forgets, but the body remembers. Your nervous system stays on edge. Your sleep is disturbed. Your spirit becomes disconnected from your purpose. And yet society tells us to “man up,” “get over it,” or “stay strong.”
Well, we’re here to say, naming the pain is strength. Facing the damage is power. And healing is revolutionary.
What You Need to Know
C-PTSD and Dissociation: You’re not crazy. You’re coping with chaos. That constant fight-or-flight feeling? That’s trauma lodged in your body.
Depression & Low Self-Esteem: Narcissists strip you down so they can feel bigger. You’re not weak. You were under attack.
Hyper vigilance & Insomnia: Always on edge. Always overthinking. Because your peace was conditioned to someone else’s chaos.
Emotional Dys-regulation: When your moods swing wildly, it’s not immaturity—it’s your nervous system doing damage control.
These are not “mood swings.” They’re survival adaptations. Your body tried to protect you. Now it’s time to protect your body—and your mind.
Brothas, Here’s What You Can Do
Talk It Out, Don’t Shut It Down Find safe spaces like BrothaTalk where you don’t have to wear armour. Therapy, coaching or a real conversation with someone who’s been there can start the healing. Vulnerability is not weakness—it’s rebellion in a world that expects us to suffer in silence.
Rewire, Reclaim, Rebuild Neuroscience proves that our brains can be rewired. With time, breathwork, somatic therapy and positive environments, the triggers fade and clarity returns. You are not broken—you are rebuilding!
Be the Mirror for Another Man Most men don’t know they’re experiencing narcissistic abuse because we’ve been conditioned to expect love as pain. Break that chain. Share your story. You never know who’s waiting for your survival to give them permission to speak.
Let’s End the Silence and Start the Healing
Too many are walking around looking whole but feeling shattered. And far too many men—especially men of colour—are taught to wear trauma as toughness. That stops today. We must unlearn the lies that say our worth is tied to what we can endure. You do not exist to be someone’s emotional punching bag.
The trauma may not be your fault. But the healing? That is your responsibility—and your birthright. Every step you take toward peace, clarity and emotional balance is a radical act of self-love.
If the fire around you tried to consume you, it’s time to build the fire within you to light your way out. Your mind matters. Your story matters. And yes, you can heal.
If this message resonates with you, like this post as a quiet affirmation. Share your experience if you're ready to reclaim your peace—and pass this on to a brother or sister who might be suffering in silence.
None of us were meant to carry this alone!
