Therapy is often seen as a beacon of hope for healing and growth, but when it comes to narcissists, that light is dim, if not entirely extinguished. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) isn’t a condition that can be reasoned with, reformed, or rehabilitated in the traditional sense. It’s a fixed character disorder—not a treatable mental illness—and the hope of transformation often ends in frustration, heartbreak, and further manipulation.
This isn’t to diminish the power of therapy for most people—it’s life-changing for those willing to change. But narcissists are wired differently, and their relationship with therapy is just another extension of their self-serving nature.
Let’s break it down.
1. NPD is Not a Treatable Disorder
NPD is a fixed personality disorder. Unlike anxiety, depression, or even certain personality disorders that respond to therapeutic interventions, narcissists don’t have the self-awareness or desire to change. Therapy requires honesty and vulnerability—two traits a narcissist avoids like the plague.
2. They Simply Don’t Change
Change comes from a willingness to self-reflect and take accountability. Narcissists, however, live in a world where they are never wrong. Therapy sessions often become tools to justify their behaviour, manipulate others, or even bolster their self-image. There’s no pathway to progress if someone refuses to see a problem in themselves.
3. They Feel No Remorse
Remorse is the bridge to redemption. Without it, there’s no foundation for meaningful change. Narcissists don’t feel remorse for their actions; instead, they rationalise, deflect, and blame others. Therapy that tries to unearth this non-existent guilt will only hit a wall of denial.
4. It’s Not About Trauma—It’s About Power
Contrary to popular belief, narcissists aren’t acting from a place of personal hurt. Their actions are calculated, premeditated, and designed to dominate. Therapy often seeks to address underlying pain or trauma, but for narcissists, the driving force is their hunger for control—not healing past wounds.
5. Chaos is Their Currency
Narcissists thrive on chaos. The more pain and disruption they cause, the more “narcissistic supply” they gain—a warped validation that fuels their behaviour. Therapy becomes another stage for their games, not a space for resolution.
6. They Weaponise Therapy Against You
Ever heard a narcissist twist therapeutic language? Statements like, “The therapist said YOU’RE the one with control issues,” are common. Therapy becomes ammunition for manipulation rather than a tool for growth.
7. They Exploit the Therapist’s Compassion
Therapists are trained to see the best in people and work toward their betterment. Narcissists exploit this compassion, painting themselves as misunderstood victims. This can even lead to therapists unintentionally validating their behaviour, further empowering them.
8. They Use Therapy to Maintain Control
If you’ve ever been dragged into couples therapy with a narcissist, you’ll notice one thing: the sessions often become battlegrounds where the narcissist seeks to “win” rather than resolve issues. Therapy serves their agenda to maintain control, not to foster understanding.
9. Therapy Can Reinforce Their Grandiosity
Imagine giving a narcissist the attention of a trained professional for an hour every week. For many, this becomes a stage—a chance to validate their belief that they are the smartest person in the room. Far from helping, therapy can inflate their ego even more.
What Does This Mean for You?
If you’re holding out hope that therapy will magically fix the narcissist in your life, it’s time to shift your focus. Their resistance to accountability, change, and remorse isn’t a reflection of your efforts—it’s a fundamental part of who they are. Let go of the fantasy that therapy will bring clarity, closure, or a healthier dynamic. Instead, channel your energy into your own healing.
Prioritise Your Healing
Recognising the futility of therapy for a narcissist is a tough pill to swallow, but it’s also a liberating truth. You can’t fix them, but you can reclaim your life. Invest in therapy for yourself to unpack the emotional toll, rebuild your self-worth, and learn strategies to protect your peace.
Have you experienced the frustration of trying to help a narcissist in therapy? Share your story in the comments below, and let’s empower each other to focus on what truly matters: our own growth, healing, and freedom. Don’t forget to like, comment, and share this post—someone else might need to hear this hard truth today.
Comments